By: H. Elizabeth Williams
July 10, 2019
Rape Culture (n.) A society or environment whose prevailing social attitudes have the effect of normalizing or trivializing sexual assault and abuse. Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety.
Examples:
Blaming the victim (“She asked for it!”)
Trivializing sexual assault (“Boys will be boys!”)
Sexually explicit jokes
Tolerance of sexual harassment
Inflating false rape report statistics
Publicly scrutinizing a victim’s dress, mental state, motives, and history
Gratuitous gendered violence in movies and television
Defining “manhood” as dominant and sexually aggressive
Defining “womanhood” as submissive and sexually passive
Pressure on men to “score”
Pressure on women to not appear “cold”
Assuming only promiscuous women get raped
Assuming that men don’t get raped or that only “weak” men get raped
Refusing to take rape accusations seriously
Teaching women to avoid getting raped instead of teaching men not to rape
You know… Just in case you weren’t already aware.
Let’s get something straight. Rape isn't about uncontrollable sexual desire. You only have to listen in on a call of duty game to see that. When that kid screams “i raped you,” he's not calling the other guy sexy, he's saying he defeated him, dominated him, humiliated him. That's what rape is about and that should scare you.
Rape culture tells “beautiful” women that they should expect to be harassed and/or abused, while “ugly” women should be happy for the “attention.”
Saying a girl is “asking for it” by not wearing enough clothes is like saying I can beat your head in with a bat because you weren't wearing a helmet.
Rape is NEVER the survivors’ fault. You had the right to drink. You had the right to go on a walk. You had the right to dress however you wanted. You had the right to trust him or her, you had the right to make your own choices, and you are responsible for them. But no one has the right to perpetrate abuse against another. No one had the right to rape you.
I once asked a girl if she's ever been harassed and she responded with, “not really just normal stuff… catcalling, following, groping etc.” THAT'S how normalized rape culture is: When girls think this is a normal part of growing up because ‘its not a big deal and happens to every woman.’ THIS IS NOT NORMAL. I’ve never seen a man put his hand on another man’s lower back/waist when trying to move past them in a crowd, so please stop doing it to women. And, if you think somebody is trying to give you a fake number then take the hint and leave them the hell alone.
“wHy dOn’T yOu tAlK aBoUt aCtUaL rApE cUlTuRe? lIkE iN tHe mIdDlE eAsT wHeRe rApIsTs aRe pUnIsHeD?” Right, as if you would actually lift a finger to help those in the Middle East when you won’t even help women in your own country. Like 95.4% of rapists don't walk free here in America.. oKaY hun.
“Or where rape victims are punished?” Like Dr. Christine Blasey Ford didn’t receive thousands of death threats.
“Or where victims are killed?” as though 2-3 women aren't killed by their abusive boyfriends/husbands/exes everyday.
“Or where victims are publicly ridiculed?” Like our current president did not mock a survivor of sexual assault on live television.
“Or where rapists are celebrated?” Like we didn't elect the current president. Like we did not nominate known sexual abusers for Grammys and Oscars.
“Or where victims are forced into hiding?” Like victims don't often move after the justice system fails to protect them.
I guarantee you if the US and other western nations had a rape culture exactly like the ones men like to bring up to discredit discussions of the rape culture we already have here, they would continue to deny it exists. They don't care about women. They care about shutting us up.
Many may say I am overreacting, and if you think that then fine but LOOK at these:
The judge allowed Jacob Walter Anderson, An Ex-frat president who raped a virgin girl at Baylor University and left her laying in the street in her vomit, to take a plea deal: 4 counts of sexual assault dismissed, he will not be required to register as a sex offender and only has a $400 fine. “He stole my body, virginity and power over my body and you let him keep it all for eternity”- victim.
@NoNameGirl8686 “He raped an unconscious virgin. UNCONSCIOUS VIRGIN. Our justice system just victimized her all over again. F**k this rapist. F**k that judge. F**k the attorneys. F**k our broken system. F**k anyone who has ever asked why women don't just report their assaults.” (via Twitter reactions.)
@gabby_smith1 “I payed a $367 for getting towed and Jacob Anderson pays $400 and NO JAIL TIME for drugging and raping a woman until she was unconscious and leaving her in her own vomit...apparently there's only a $33 difference between human value and morals and parking wrong.” (via Twitter reactions.)
No jail time for NY school bus driver, Shane Piche, who admitted to raping a 14 year old girl. The judge says the 26 year old has no prior arrests and there was one victim, so the sentence was appropriate...The price to rape someone is $375. Those are his court fees.
This is the 3rd case that this same judge has given someone little to no punishment for sexual assault. It’s disgusting. We tell our stories and you call us liars. We stay silent and you say we should have spoken up. Our experiences are relevant. We are all relevant.
But, I mean hey welcome to America: where you can rape a woman and not even have to register as a sex offender, but have to defend yourself against your rapist after being forced into teenage sex slavery and you spend life in prison (Cyntoia Brown).
THIS is rape culture. When a 20 year old admits to getting an 11 year old pregnant, and the news report says he’s “accused of having sex with” instead of “admitted raping and impregnating a child.” Or when Fox 13 Memphis reports, ”teen stabbed with scissors after pulling students dress up at Memphis school, police say,” which is a very weird way of saying “sexual assault victim uses self defense to escape her attacker.”
People really treat sexual misconduct, abuse and violence against women like a mere phase that some young men go through. Women are just collateral damage on the path to becoming a mature man. Thats some bullshit.
Stop coddling rapists. They aren't confused cry babies who didn’t know it was rape. They aren’t teens who did stupid shit while drunk. They are rapists. They know what rape is. They know the difference between a consensual partner and a non-consensual partner. They are NOT innocent.
Rape shouldn't ever be apologized for, there's nothing that could ever make rape "right," it is always an act of selfishness and lack of respect towards the victim, so WHY do people STILL defend and apologize for the rapist?
Consent out of fear is not consent, and if asking for consent “ruins the mood” it's because you were the only one in the mood. It’s not rocket science. Knock it off.
And stop your nonsense complaining about how “social norms have changed.” Social norms have not changed. We NEVER liked you touching us without our permission. So stop convincing yourself that it's a new world. It's the same world, we just don't have to lose a job for telling you to get your hands off us.
If you’re promoting changes to women's behavior to “prevent” rape, you’re really saying “make sure he rapes the other girl”. There will always be a girl who is less sober, less secure, with less friends walking in a darker part of town. I want her to be safe just as much as I want me safe.
Lessons that I never would’ve been taught as a young girl if rape culture didn't exist:
If you get lost or scared, go up to a woman with children to ask for help. Don't trust any strange man who offers to help you.
Never let an attacker take you to a second location. He will probably assault or kill you.
Always watch your drink. Never leave it alone, even with a friend.
If you’re alone in a taxi or getting harassed pretend to call a male relative or boyfriend. Predators are more likely to back off if there's another male involved.
Make code words with you're friends to protect each other. Stick together, even if you know everyone in the room.
Scratch you're attacker with your nails and don't shower until you’ve been examined after the assault.
Never let any girl or woman walk alone at night.
If you’re cornered, go for the groin, instep, stomach or nose. Fight tooth and nail to get free and then run. hopefully he’ll stop chasing you.
If you get catcalled keep your head down and keep walking. If you respond he might attack you.
If someone attacks you, don't yell rape! Yell fire! People actually care if there's a fire.
Here are some REAL rape prevention tips:
Don't put drugs in women’s drinks.
When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.
If you pull over to help a woman whose car is broken down, remember not to rape her.
When you encounter a woman asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape her.
Use the buddy system! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from raping women, ask a trusted friend to accompany you at all times.
Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to rape someone, blow the whistle until someone comes to stop you.
Don't forget: honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date; don't pretend like you're interested in her as a person; tell her straight up that you intend on raping her later. If you don’t communicate you're actions, she may take it as a sign that you don’t plan to rape her.
Finally, if you see a woman dressed “immodestly” and it makes you feel like raping her, please gorge your eyes from its sockets so that you may never see her again.
I wonder... Do men know that women do a million small things out of fear for our safety everyday? For instance, wearing a fake wedding ring when service men come over to always make it clear they don't live alone.
When food is being delivered late at night, do you usually have a youtube video playing in the background to lend the impression that you have company and aren’t by yourself?
Personally, when I'm heading to the door I yell “Matt the delivery man is here can you get the plates,” and I will order something extra for lunch the next day and always 2 drinks. Also, I never open for the sales people and if they catch me on the porch I tell them i need to talk to Matt.
Also, whenever I’m walking alone I have headphones in to pretend i'm listening to something so I won't be harassed, but not really listening to anything so I can hear if someone still chooses to harass me.
Don’t call us dramatic. You don’t know what it’s like to be a woman. A man in a room full of women is ecstatic. A woman in a room full of men is terrified.
And just to make things clear...
Not all men are actual rapists. Some are rape apologists. Some tell rape jokes. Some are victim blamers. Some are silent.
No one actually thinks ALL men.
Just too many men.
Just enough men to be afraid.
Just enough men that all women have experienced it.
Just enough to make it a social problem not a personal one.
Sources: