July 3, 2021
By: H. Elizabeth Williams
See the Wrapt Magazine version here: https://www.wraptmagazine.com/blog/2021/6/24/notallmenbutenough
I love how guys will be like “not all men” but then proceed to say things like “it’s not that I don’t trust you it’s that I don’t trust other guys.” And then they’ll be like “get home safe.” Safe from what? Ghosts? Other women? A Bear??
Here’s why “not all men” is trending. On March 3, 2021, a girl named Sarah Everard in London was walking home to a house when she was abducted by a police officer and later found dead. When people found out about this, the police sent out a statement warning all women not to go out after dark. The problem with this is women aren’t the issue; men are. So why punish women for problems men created?
Jenny Jones, a member of Parliament house, realized this and proposed a bill that would set a curfew for men so they couldn’t go out past six. The men retaliated with “not all men.” Completely missing the point, why do we continuously change women’s world to fit the needs of men. Don’t change women, educate men. And the thing is you’re right, it’s not all men, but has your son ever objectified women? It’s not all men, but has your brother ever begged someone for nudes? It’s not all men, but has your father ever assumed someone is lying when they told you they’ve been sexually assaulted? Again, it’s not all men, but it’s probably most.
Let's look at it from a different angle for a second, if I gave you a box of cookies and told you that some were poisoned instead of actual cookie dough, you’d be wary of the entire box, right? Not everybody in your neighborhood is a thief, but you still lock your doors at night. And, if you were swimming in the ocean and you saw a shark, you’re getting out of the sea immediately, right?
I understand that not every single individual man on this planet is a sexual predator. However, sometimes women generalize men to protect themselves. When nearly 1 in 5 women have been raped, and 96% of those women report that men raped them, it’s not unfair for us to be cautious. (Source: www.nsvrc.org/statistics).
It’s not all men, but I started running home from school with my keys between my fingers when I was 11. It’s not all men, but I was called a slut for wearing shorts in the summer when I was 13. It’s not all men, but I told you I didn’t want to, but all you cared about was my tits rather than the tears streaming down my face. It’s not all men, but I was catcalled in leggings and a stained hoodie when I was 15. It’s not all men, but my co-worker wouldn’t stop calling me beautiful last summer. It’s not all men, but four different men kept staring and taking pics when I was alone. It’s not all men, but it is every single woman.
Why is it so hard to understand such a simple concept? A story told over and over again. A narrative that never changes. How many times do we have to say we know it’s not all men, but it’s enough? The reason we say “men” instead of “some men” is because it stops men who consider themselves “good guys” from tuning out the conversation. I’m sorry to tell you, but you are part of the problem if you tune out the conversation.
And to those who say it’s not a gender issue, I say violence against women and girls is a gender-based issue. Pretending like it’s not will never solve anything because it never gets to the root of the problem. Misogyny. Instead of dismissing it because “not being all men”, why don’t you engage in the subject. Engage with the fact that one in 3 women in their lifetime will either be physically or sexually abused by a man. Engage with the fact that more women in the US in the last two decades have died at the hands of a husband or boyfriend, than anyone who had died in 9/11, Afghanistan and Iraq. Engage with the fact that this gender issue was perpetrated by a power dynamic that was created by male-dominated patriarchy. Challenge the worldview that you have been conditioned to accept, even want.